


Things Left Unsaid

by knightinmourning



Category: Hell on Wheels (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 13:31:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18165827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinmourning/pseuds/knightinmourning
Summary: “Well, you got me if you want me. I ain’t gon’ force you, but the offer’s there.”They didn't talk about it. Good thing they didn't need to. Scenes from a developing relationship.





	Things Left Unsaid

Elam had to admit, he wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to lead to this point.  
  
One minute he was sitting on his bed, sharpening his knife, and the next, he was trying to catch Cullen as he stumbled and nearly fell into the tent.  
  
“Hey, what’s happening?” He asked, arms wrapping around his friend as he dropped his knife beside him. The last thing Cullen needed right now was a stab wound, from the looks of it, though Elam would be the first to admit that sometimes Cullen needed some sense knocked into him.  
  
Instead, he pulled the other man with him so that they were both seated on the bed. Cullen hadn’t spoken, but was staring at Elam with that watchful gaze he often reserved for Lily Bell and other women around the camp. It was respectful and curious, in stark contrast to the lustful looks many of the men sported on the occasion they saw someone of the fairer sex.  
  
Elam didn’t know what to make of it, now that it was directed at him, and Cullen wasn’t speaking. Now that they were so close and face to face, he could smell the liquor on Cullen’s breath. The man was drunk, which didn’t happen particularly often, though he knew Cullen enjoyed spirits as much as the next man.

Now though, Cullen had dropped his gaze and had reached out and taken Elam’s nearest hand. He started stroking it, as gentle as he could with the rough hands of someone who had experienced the difficult life of a farmer and soldier. Playing with Elam’s fingers, he returned his attention to his face.

“You ever lay with a man, Elam?” Cullen asked, his southern drawl stronger with drink.

“No, sir.” Elam responded. “Bible says it’s wrong.”

“Well, I never was good with my Bible verses.” Cullen laughed, giving Elam a half-smile.

“With all _due_ respect, I don’t need you. I got Eva.” He had her and he loved her, no need to look for trouble elsewhere when he already had a good thing going.

“She’s pretty.” Cullen said. He sat back, bracing his elbows on his thighs and biting his lip. “Well, you got me if you want me. I ain’t gon’ force you, but the offer’s there.”

“Yeah, whatever. Go sleep off all that drink. In your _own_ tent.” Elam grabbed Cullen’s nearest arm with one hand and put his other hand on Cullen’s back, pushing up back to a standing position.  
  
“I’ll be back.”  
  
“I’m sure you will.”

Cullen stumbled out of the tent, and Elam hoped he would make it back to his own tent without any detours. Just because Elam didn’t beat his ass for such a proposition didn’t mean every other man in the camp would be so kind.

He thought of Durant, and what he might do to Cullen if he found out, and shuddered at the image. No, it’d be best for Cullen to sleep this off. The foreman would be back to his senses the next day, and if he didn’t remember the events of the night before, the better.

Pushing the worry out of his head, Elam extinguished his light and went to sleep.

***

The next time it happened, Cullen wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t propositioning sex.

No, instead he had a concussion and was, well, cuddly.

Elam had found him outside the camp, his horse missing and his head bleeding. He’d known his name, but hadn’t been clear on where he was or what he was doing out there, so Elam had gathered him up and dragged him back to his tent. He’d left him at the time, but it was now evening and he had returned to check on his friend.

When he entered the tent, Cullen was lying on his bunk, arms crossed behind his head.

“How you doin’?” Elam asked.

“My damn head hurts. The hell’d I do, anyway?”

“Hell if I know. I just found you. Don’t you remember that?”

“Nope.”

Elam considered this. Cullen looked better than he had earlier, but if he still couldn’t remember things, he wouldn’t be able to do his job. “We should take you to a doctor.”

“Not necessary. Come here, sit with me a minute.” Cullen pulled himself to a seat on the edge of the bed, clenching his eyes and jaw for a long moment when he reached his intended position. Elam hesitated, watching him struggle, before complying. He sat down beside his friend, a few inches space between them as he tried not to crowd him.

Instead it was Cullen who initiated contact. Without warning he collapsed against Elam, his head resting on Elam’s shoulder and his arms around Elam’s middle. Elam wasn’t sure how to respond, sitting paralyzed in the unexpected bear hug.

After the shock subsided, he raised his hand and laid it on Cullen’s back, rubbing back and forth in a movement he hoped was comforting. He felt Cullen’s head shift and the scraggles of his beard against his neck.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t hugged another man before, or even that he hadn’t hugged Cullen before, so much as the overall intimacy of the moment struck Elam. His time with Eva was mostly sex, and paid sex at that. It was a relationship reduced to whatever he could afford, when he could afford it. This was different; it was Cullen. They worked together, drank together, rode together.

Cullen taught him how to shoot. He kept him from being hung. It was more than any other person in this damn camp had done for him since he’d started here.

Now, wrapped up in his friend’s embrace, he pushed down the worry and the fear that accompanied the hug. After all, they had done all sorts of things that were definitely illegal and definitely sinful. Hugging, and enjoying it, was probably the least of his worries when he was finally judged at the gates of Heaven. Or, more probably, Hell.

No one would dare disturb them in Cullen’s tent, anyway. He had a reputation at this point, that he would kill anyone who crossed him. It kept the rest of the camp at a distance. Just like Cullen liked it.

***

They never talked about it. Elam and Cullen spent the night together, just lying side by side in the bed. In the early morning, before the rest of the camp got up, Elam dragged himself away from his dozing friend and made his way back to his own tent.

In the days that followed, Elam gradually realized that things had changed between them. While Cullen had never avoided touching him, most notably when he’d taught Elam to shoot, reaching out and positioning Elam’s body so he could learn the stance, the touches had increased dramatically of late.

Around the men, it was a hand on Elam’s shoulder, a pat on the back, a knee positioned in just the right way to touch. Elam didn’t know who, if anyone, had noticed it, but he definitely had.

When they were alone, where they could be mostly certain no one would happened about them, Cullen was even more hands-on. Elam rarely initiated, but he had come to enjoy the touch. Cullen’s hands were different, rough and scratchy, and his beard against Elam’s skin, unlike anything he’d felt before that first night, had become a welcome sensation.

Elam wasn’t going to lie, he still loved Eva. Still slept with her many nights. But the more time he spent with Cullen, the most he wondered what it’d be like to be with him... like that.

He didn’t know the logistics, what bits went where, or if it’d be enjoyable, but he wanted to try, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it while with Eva.

Right now, however, he was on the job, overseeing the building of a section of track. Or he was supposed to be, but the men had no interest in doing as he asked. Elam’s promotion hadn’t given him advantage of trust, and just has Cullen had, he knew he had to fight and hold his own for his workforce to see him as an authority figure.

He stood toe to toe now with Abramson. “Back. To. Work.” He growled, hoping that for once the posturing would work.

Abramson leaned back, speaking loud enough for the men around them to hear. “And why, _sir_ , should we do what you ask. Everybody knows you’re a sodomite, a kept man. Bohannon-”

Elam didn’t hear what Abramson thought of Bohannon, because one of his fists was grinding into the man’s jaw while the other dug into his stomach. There was a point where it stopped being fighting and instead became a beating, but Elam was so focused on causing pain, he didn’t particularly care.

The pair of hands that wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him off of Abramson were familiar, but Elam fought them anyway. He wanted to do harm to the man for the accusations he’d levied against both him and Cullen, but he heard Cullen’s soft, low voice in his ear muttering, “ _stand. down_.” and all the fight left him.

Practically lying against Cullen, limp and out of energy, Elam got a good look at his opponent for the first time since he’d thrown the first punch. The man was on the ground, bloody and unmoving. Elam couldn’t tell if he was dead. He wasn’t sure he cared.

Cullen was still speaking though, louder now, and to the group of men around them instead of Elam. “Back to work, all of you! And remember your friend here next time you think to spread gossip ‘round the camp.”

He shifted Elam’s weight until the two of them were standing next to each other. Neither of them liked to talk, and this wasn’t the time or place for it even if they did. Instead the just stood there, Cullen’s eyes averted while Elam watched him.

After a long moment, Cullen looked up at Elam and nodded. Just once, a curt nod that conveyed more than Cullen could find the words for in this moment. Elam returned it, knowing then that if nothing else, they were okay.

***

Things died down. The comments stopped and Elam earned his authority among his men. Cullen’s more public touching had subsided, but in private he spared nothing.

One night, months after the fight, they sat together in Cullen’s tent, talking softly about the railroad. In the dark, they could afford to sit with their arms wrapped around each other, heads close and voices low. No one could see them, and no one would disturb them.

Elam suspected people knew, but by now they’d learned to keep their opinions to themselves. Durant had pulled Cullen into his office not so long ago and told him he didn’t care what Cullen did in his free time, as long as it didn’t affect the work.

To be totally fair, though, technically they weren’t _doing_ anything. They hadn’t kissed, hadn’t had sex.

What people did know was that now that Eva was out of camp, Elam and Cullen were together nearly constantly when they weren’t working. It probably seemed reasonable to assume that they had taken advantage and where enjoying the time unattached to anyone else.

Elam looked over at Cullen. He was talking about the importance of developing a security force for this next hunk of railroad, one that could defend the camp and wouldn’t do anything too stupid. As his lips moved, Elam wondered what it would be like to kiss them.

Would it be anything like Eva, or any other girl he’d been with? Would the beard be scratchy or grimey, putting him off from the experience he had let himself think about only in his wildest dreams for months now?

Only one way to find out.

Cullen had stopped talking, probably expecting Elam to contribute, but instead of speaking, he leaned forward and captured Cullen’s lips in his.

The first thing he noticed about this kiss that was so different than with his female lovers was that _Cullen. Didn’t. Move._ Elam continued for a few seconds, but when it became clear to him that Cullen wasn’t going to participate, he pulled away. He had no interest in this if Cullen wasn’t interested too.

He was quick to apologize, assuming that somewhere along the line he’d misunderstood one of the many things they’d left unsaid between them over the months.

“I’m sorry, I-” He began, but he couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out, because Cullen’s lips were against his, his tongue in Elam’s mouth.

Elam had his answers, but they were the least of his thoughts now as their beards rubbed together and their lips locked. He slid his hand around Cullen’s side, and he felt Cullen wrap a hand around Elam’s shoulder.

They continued for a while, bodies close and lips closer, until a voice outside the tent, dim in their passion despite the closeness of the sound, called for Cullen.

The two men separated, breathing hard. Wiping their faces and adjusting their clothes to avoid giving any indication of what they had just been doing, Elam curled himself up on the head of the bed so he would be out of sight as Cullen slid through the flaps of the tent, opening them just enough to slide through.

A conversation followed that Elam could hear murmurs of but couldn’t understand. After a few minutes, Cullen returned, grabbing his hat and attaching his holster around his waist. “Indian activity, close enough it’s got Durant worried. Joseph and I are riding out with some men to deal with it.”

“I’ll come.”

“You’ll stay.”

“Cullen.”

“You’ll stay, and we’ll continue this later.” Cullen tilted his head at Elam and raised his eyebrows.

The words to argue were already on Elam’s lips, but by the time he’d taken a breath Cullen had already left.

***

Eva returned to the camp a few weeks later, and for the most part things had gone back to the way they’d been. Elam and Cullen still spent time together, but it was sparse compared to the previous couple weeks.

They certainly weren’t spending their evenings in each other’s arms.

Today, though, the two men were themselves away from camp. They had been tasked with finding a man who had murdered one of the railway workers. After the murder, he had ridden off into the wilderness, and though Cullen and Elam both figured he would meet his end well before they found him, they did as they were told.  
  
After hours of riding in silence and finding no evidence of the man, Cullen stopped in a small clearing. “We sleep here tonight. Ride again at dawn. If we don’t find him tomorrow, we turn back.”

They collected wood and got a fire going, making a small meal from some game they’d caught earlier in the day and some bread they’d taken with them from the camp. The sun went down, and they stayed by the fire, enjoying each other’s company.

It was Cullen this time, who moved in after the sun went down and only the dying light of the fire illuminated their actions. He sat down beside Elam, setting his hand against Elam’s beard and rubbing his cheek.

Lips soon followed, and Elam wasn’t sure exactly when it happened, but one of his knees was caught between both of Cullen’s, their hips grinding together.

Elam felt himself harden, seeking more pressure against his friend, and tried to move to a better position to relieve that need when he felt Cullen’s hand on his chest. Cullen was standing, pulling off his jacket, vest, and shirt.

Realization came over Elam, and he rushed to follow Cullen’s lead. It was happening, finally, and Elam felt his stomach flutter at the possibility.

His first time with a woman had been so different than this. He hadn’t known her name, he had been control, the whole thing had been rushed and uncomfortable and _weird_.

But this didn’t feel anything like that. He knew Cullen, had trusted him more than once with his life, and now, as his excitement rose and he anticipated what happened next, he felt his chest tighten in a flurry of emotion he couldn’t quite identify.

Now that they were both bare, clothes abandoned in two piles to their sides, the men came together again, rubbing, grinding, touching. Elam pressed both of his hands to Cullen’s shoulders and upper arms, feeling the contours of his lean body. Where his hands were rough, and his face sun-worn, the skin of Cullen’s shoulders and, if Elam had to guess, the rest of his body, was smooth and pale.

Cullen had also reached out to Elam, starting at his collar bone and tracing down to one of the man’s nipples. He brushed a thumb against it, pressing and then tugging, just enough to get a response, and Elam responded. Gasping and moving into the sensation, he muttered, “do that again.”

In return, Cullen snorted softly and grinned. He grabbed Elam’s hand and pulled the man down to the bedrolls below them on the ground, braced against a log, and placed himself on top with his legs straddling Elam’s.

Now in a more useful position, Cullen returned his attentions to the task at hand, tugging and rubbing one of Elam’s nipples with his hand, and taking the other in his mouth.

Elam made small noises and little gasps at Cullen’s ministrations, pushing up against his partner every time he felt him suck or tug gently with his teeth. He had experienced pleasure before, but this was on a whole new level, and he never wanted it to stop.

It had to, though, for them to keep going, and too soon, Cullen was pulling away, trailing his lips down Elam’s navel.

He reached the hair around Elam’s groin, and paused for just a second, looking up to Elam’s face and finding the other man’s eyes half closed and his mouth open. Taking in the other man’s pleasure, he dropped his head again, wrapping his mouth around the head of Elam’s hard cock.

Elam almost bucked at the sensation, feeling the heat and wetness of Cullen’s mouth as well as the tingling of his moustache and beard. Coming back into himself, he instead reached out and wrapped his fingers in Cullen’s long hair.

Cullen swirled his tongue around the head of Elam’s cock, before taking the whole thing in his mouth, moving up and down as he felt the fingers in his hair tighten.

After a few minutes, Cullen started feeling Elam’s tiny, aborted bucks and heard his breathing deepen. He reached up with one hand, taking Elam’s balls between his fingers, tugging and pulling with a light, seasoned touch. He hadn’t been with very many men before, mostly during his teens and then again during the war, but there were some things you never forget.

“Cullen, I-” Elam didn’t manage to finish his sentence before cum was pulsing into Cullen’s mouth. Cullen bared down on the cock in his mouth, swallowing until Elam was done.

Elam relaxed and sank back, but was still watching Cullen as he raised himself up. As Cullen moved, Elam realized that he hadn’t yet come, having given his focus entirely to Elam’s pleasure.

“Let me.” He said softly, not sure exactly what he was offering. His hand, he guessed, or maybe his mouth like Cullen had just done so beautifully to him.

Cullen, however, had other plans. He put a hand on Elam’s leg. “Legs up, over my shoulders.”

Elam stared at him for a moment, debating if he should comply or not. Whatever Cullen had planned, Elam knew he could put a stop to it with a word, knew that Cullen wouldn’t take what wasn’t given freely to him.

“What...?”

“Gon’ show you a good time. You’ll like it, and if you don’t, you tell me and we stop.”

Elam couldn’t see what Cullen was doing to him, but after a few seconds he felt pressure on his hole and tensed as Cullen tried to press a finger inside.

“ _Relax_.”

Elam took a breath and released it, long and slow, willing himself to do as he was told. It must have been enough, because as he breathed out he felt the finger finally enter him.

Cullen worked him open, long and slow, adding a finger at a time and keeping his eyes on Elam’s face.

Eventually, Cullen hit something and Elam _gasped_. He didn’t know what it was was, a new internal sensation that he couldn’t have imagined before, but he wanted to feel it again.

And he was in luck, because Cullen caught the look on his face and aimed true when he went for the same spot again and again.

Too soon, Cullen withdrew his fingers, and Elam held back a whine. He was rewarded for his patience a moment later, as Cullen repositioned himself and slid into Elam in one smooth movement.

Elam felt good. Better than he could have imagined. When he’d considered the possibility in the past, he’d always figured he would be the one in the role Cullen was now, with Cullen below him, splayed out on his stomach.

It didn’t take Cullen long to climax, cumming with his mouth closed and eyes half-lidded, in a way that suggested to Elam that he was used to hiding his affairs with men in silence and darkness. When he was finished, he pulled out of Elam right away and moved out from under his legs. Elam could feel the sticky wetness of cum slide out of him in a way that wasn’t entirely pleasant, but he could forgive the need for a bit of clean-up considering how enjoyable the rest of the act had been.

And now Cullen was beside him, lying flush against Elam’s side with his arm across Elam’s stomach and his head on his shoulder. Cullen fell asleep like that, comfortable and warm.

Tomorrow they would ride again, and Elam wasn’t sure if he was glad that they expected to have their fugitive in their custody by the next evening if it meant that he wouldn’t experience this again. Not for a while, and maybe not ever.

Elam rubbed his lover’s back and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before falling asleep himself. He didn’t know where the future would leave them, but he would enjoy what he had while he had it.


End file.
